Wishing I could quit stuffing my fat face. I do so good for a few days and then I let what everyone is telling me get to me, and I begin to eat. Then I go on a fat ass binge. This sucks. I have lost a little weight. I got on a scale today, and am so freaking dissappointed in myself. Shit that's it. I am fasting untill I get there. This sucks. Fat fat fat......

I am so tired of being freaking fat. I have tried and tried to fast and do other stuff to make me feel better, or at least lose some of this blubber I am carrying around with me, but NOTHING helps. I am so freaking frustrated! I swear I am not eating anything untill I lose 20 LBS. Maybe that won't be too hard this time. I can feel and hear my stomach growling, and I actually like it. 
I also wish that people who think they have an idea about my ed would get off of my back and realize until I am ready to get help, them force feeding me is doing absolutely NO GOOD! I will find ways to purge that crap that they think is good for me out of my body. Seriously, do they think it helps any to have to listen to them bitch and complain about whatever it is I am or am not eating? Do they really think it helps that when I finally do eat that they look at me like a fat cow until I just have to go throw up to get it out of me. And I have also recently become obsessed with my mirror. Which is the one place I should stay away from. When I look in it, and I see every inch of un-needed unwanted lard I just cry!! Girls please! I need a support group here!